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How to see a woman: A conversation between a father and son

Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable, so that conversation should be fun.

No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well — following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is. There will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.

Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.

A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing — or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim, you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.


Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.

You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human — woman or man — you give up your humanity.

There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.

Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been a taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: A woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things, it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.

A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.
I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.

My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.

Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want.

Ultimately, it’s what you want.

Deseret News

You threw her away

You threw her away. You threw away the girl that would do anything and everything for you. You threw away the girl that gave her all and trusted you with it. You threw away the girl that put her whole self into being there for you. You threw away the girl that shut every other person out in her life because she told herself she couldn’t trust them. You threw away the girl that sees the entire world in you. You threw away the girl that went through hell just to be with you. You threw away the girl that was willing to wait as long as it took until she could call you hers. You threw away that girl that still wanted you even when you treated her as if she was nothing. You threw away the girl that spent months hoping you two could be together eventually. You threw away the girl that stays up at night, wondering if you’re okay. You threw away the girl that continued to do so much for you even though she got nothing in return. You threw away the girl that didn’t listen to the bad things that others said about you. You threw away the girl that would do anything in the world for you. You threw her away. And guess what? You lost her.

Tired

Sometimes I pray God to let me meet someone new , someone who I'm going to love more than I love him, and better this, who will love me more than he says that he does...I've been wasting years of my life stuck in a relationship that has no future. People says :"How can it be love? it is only an obsession, you created it on your own mind, it isn't real, you must let it go." But why does it hurt so bad to let go? I even think that I'm emotionally sick. I should have taken the opportunity to move on when he left me for the first time, just like his ex did, today she is married and expecting a baby. I tried once to move on, I was going fine, but I couldn't, I don't know why I just can't be with someone else. Who knows if I had allowed myself to love another one I was already engaged and moving on with life. I never thought that love could be something harmful to me, like it is.

" I want you. I want your sleepy confused look when you wake up. I want to be the warmth that fills the space in your bed. I want to be the sheets your fingers crave at night; the blanket that wraps around you all night. I want to drink tea with you, share some records we find. I want to talk about everything in the world newspapers. I want to discuss with you, to be stubborn and quick-witted with you. I want to have differences between us. I want your flaws. All of them. I want go into the deepest corners of your mind and never get bored of you. I want to be surprised by the new all the time. I want to look at you like a movie, a living piece of art; always trying to chase what you crave … and capture you. "

Make a Wish ;)

In Love With a Taurus Man

A typical Taurus man comes across as a very calm, quiet, practical, composed, humble as well as levelheaded person. He takes one step at a time, that too after much deliberation. He is not the one who 'falls in the love at the first sight'. A Taurus male will take time to decide whether you are the person with whom he can spend his entire life. However, if he makes up his mind that you are the one for him, he will go to any lengths to win your love. These efforts include being romantic to the core, sending you flowers, writing poems for you, etc.

Taurean men are always protective of their loved ones and will be very gentle and pleasant towards them. When in love, they are very romantic and will express the same with small little gestures. You may be given flowers every other day, taken to the most romantic place in the town and wished on all the important days of your life, like the first time you met him. If you want to stir the emotions of a Taurus male, the best way is to play some soothing, romantic songs. Building castles in the air is not one of the traits of a Taurus guy's personality.

He won't promise you the stars, but he will gift you the diamond necklace you saw in the jewelry shop two days back. With him, you will never feel insecure about the future. His characteristics profile includes qualities like calm strength, stable nature and peaceful ways, all of which are sure to win your heart. A Taurus man does not believe in taking chances and will always be prepared for the worst of circumstances. If you want to attract him, it is better to start brushing up your lady charms right now.

He doesn't want a tomboyish wife. You will be expected to behave like a lady. When you are in a public place, let your Taurean male be the brighter one of the two. Don't misunderstand him. He respects your intelligence, but don't make him feel embarrassed by contradicting his statements in public. If you make this mistake, remember to say sorry afterwards or you are doomed. Never ever try to push him or you will have to face his violent temper. In case you just did that, remain with him and try to calm him. z

Don't even think of going to your mom's flat for the weekend. You are his wife, he loves you and you have to live with him. A Taurus guy will also not tolerate outsiders interfering in his house, be it your mother or anyone else. He wants a girl who is close to him, but is not clinging on to him forever. He wants his freedom and will let you enjoy your freedom too. You will be allowed to indulge in all you feminine fashions. Infact, a Taurean man will enjoy watching you do the typical feminine stuff, that too with patience.

However, remember that he is the boss of the house and come back to him when he asks you to. If you do this, you will be treated with the most pleasant and agreeable husband on this earth. Just let him handle the reins and he will do anything and everything for you. Don't expect him to announce his love ten days after meeting you. Taurean men take time to truly comprehend their emotions, but when they do, they make sure that they get their love. Love blindfolds them and they become generous to all the flaws of the relationship.

A Taurean male loves nature and its beauty. When he settles down, he wants crisp bread, sparkling cutlery and perfectly baked apple pie. Don't expect him to eat that burnt sandwich, without saying anything. As a father, he will be tender, demonstrative, warm and understanding. A Taurus man is extremely hard working and thus, needs to rest every now and then. Don't ever push him or accuse him of being lazy when he is walking at his own leisurely pace. If you are thinking of getting married to him, develop the habit of keeping the house clean and warm.

He wants his home to look like a home, not a garbage dump. Don't worry; he won't be criticizing you all the time. Infact, most of the time, he will be generous to even those faults on which other males complain. Just remember to make a Taurus man feel like the head of the family and let him handle all the responsibilities. He will provide you a cozy nest, which will be full of love, warmth, care and concern. He is stubborn, but only when you provoke him. Otherwise, he is the most patient man you will ever find. Be happy. You have a real man besides you, who will wrap his arms around you, protect you & love you forever!

Death is Nothing

I have just moved to the neighboring room.
I am who I am ... you are whom you are,
That which we were to one another,
We will always be.
Call me by my name.
Speak to me like you've always did.
Don't use a different tone ...
Don't take that look; solemn or sad.
Continue to laugh at that which made us laugh together.
Pray, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be pronounced at home,
As it always was,
Without pomposity or gloom.
Life is still the same,
It is what it always was
The string has not been cut.
Why should I be away from your thoughts?
Just because I am away from your sight?
I am not far, just on the other side of the road..
You see, every thing is fine ...
Wipe your tears and cry no more.

If you love me ...

A morte não é nada.
Eu somente passei
para o outro lado do Caminho.

Eu sou eu, vocês são vocês.
O que eu era para vocês,
eu continuarei sendo.

Me dêem o nome
que vocês sempre me deram,
falem comigo
como vocês sempre fizeram.

Vocês continuam vivendo
no mundo das criaturas,
eu estou vivendo
no mundo do Criador.

Não utilizem um tom solene
ou triste, continuem a rir
daquilo que nos fazia rir juntos.

Rezem, sorriam, pensem em mim.
Rezem por mim.

Que meu nome seja pronunciado
como sempre foi,
sem ênfase de nenhum tipo.
Sem nenhum traço de sombra
ou tristeza.

A vida significa tudo
o que ela sempre significou,
o fio não foi cortado.
Porque eu estaria fora
de seus pensamentos,
agora que estou apenas fora
de suas vistas?

Eu não estou longe,
apenas estou
do outro lado do Caminho...

Você que aí ficou, siga em frente,
a vida continua, linda e bela
como sempre foi.

by St. Augustine